From Love as a Noun to Love as a Verb

I have a pattern where I’m overweight in relationships. I saw how much of a controlling bitch I am in relationships with men. It's been eating at me the way I've been. It causes an inner self hate, self loathing and soul diminishing downward spiral for me.

My predictable future will be divorce, misery and a life living alone, sad and withdrawn.

I saw how much hate and lashing out I've done to my husband. I've been unwilling to let go of this controlling way; until today. I've been waiting for this to go away versus creating a new way of being that would cause miraculous and joyful relationships.

I'm creating a new practice in my life; the practice of ‘being’ loving. I’m creating a list - "50 Ways to Keep a Lover" list; including - writing a love letter to my husband each day until he returns this weekend; a foot rub, a back rub, etc. I’m sending this list to a friend/coach and will update her on the progress the next few weeks.

Being loving will take something on my part to manage; especially to myself. I will post reminders on my bathroom mirror, kitchen cabinet, etc.